Hemos encontrado este interesante artículo sobre los lloriqueos y las rabietas que empiezan a los dos años. La Dra. Markham propone que este tipo de llanto evolucionado suelen reflejar un problema o malestar más profundo y por lo tanto, no se trata de acallar esas quejas sino de investigar la causa.
Reproducimos la entrevista tal y como ha aparecido aquí,
Whining is common with toddlers and preschoolers. Parents are usually advised to tell their kids to ask in a nice voice, because they can’t hear the whiny voice. But whining is a symptom of a deeper issue. So if you want to eliminate whining, you have to address what’s underneath. If your child’s whining is driving you crazy, here are six parent-proven secrets to stop your child from whining. Which secret you use depends on why he’s whining.
2. Whining because she needs more connection:
3. Whining because she doesn’t like what’s happening but feels powerless to get her way:
Start by letting her know that you hear what she wants, and you see her point of view: “You really want to go to the playground, and you keep telling me that, and here I keep stopping at all these stores that you aren’t expecting, and you’re disappointed, right?” Sometimes just feeling heard is enough to stop whining in its tracks.
Then, if she keeps whining, you can say playfully “You don’t sound like yourself. I wonder where your usual strong voice went?”
Express confidence that your child can use her “strong” voice and offer your assistance to help her find it, by making it into a game: “Hey, where did your strong voice go? It was here a minute ago. I LOVE your strong voice! I’ll help you find it. Help me look. Is it under the chair? No…In the toy box? No…. HEY! You found it!! That was your strong voice!! Yay! I love your strong voice! Now, tell me again what you need, in your strong voice.”
Finally, give her alternate tools by teaching her how to ask appropriately for something and negotiate with you. Since whining is so often a function of powerlessness, helping your child to feel that she can get what she wants through reasonable measures will carry over into the rest of her life.
In other words, you don’t want her to learn that she gets her way in life by whining or tantrumming, but you do want her to learn that she can get what she wants through managing her emotions, seeing things from the other person’s point of view and setting up win/win situations. (And of course, that’s what you always try to model.)
So if you simply don’t have time to go to the playground today, then don’t. Be empathic about his desire, and nurture him through the meltdown, as described in #4 below. But if your objection is to his whining, rather than his request, and he manages to pull himself together and ask in a reasonable way for what he wants, then you’ll be able to engage in the kind of conflict resolution that finds a win/win solution.
“Ok, you want to go to the playground, and I need to stop at the hardware store. Let’s do this: If we’re really quick at the hardware store, we’ll have time to stop at the playground on the way home. Think you can help me be quick? And if you are really fast about getting in and out of your car seat, we can stay even longer at the playground.”
Are you “rewarding” whining? No, you’re empowering him by demonstrating that finding solutions that work for both of you is the way to get what he wants in life.
4. Whining because he needs to cry:
5. Whining because it works:
6. Whining because you’ll do anything to stop it:
But if you can take a deep breath and remind yourself that there’s no crisis, you’ll feel a lot better, and you’ll parent better. Don’t let your automatic crisis mode of fight or flight kick in. Don’t feel like you have to do anything at all except love your child. Just smile at your child and give her a big hug. Most of the time, the whining will stop.